Child Discipleship, Children, Parent

Raising Strong Children: How Your View of Your Child Shapes Their Identity and Strength

by Jebichii Kimulwo

Have you ever paused to consider this profound truth: your child sees themselves through your eyes before they ever see themselves through God’s?

What you believe about your child—consciously or unconsciously—shapes the way you treat them. And how you treat them tells them who they are.

From your tone of voice when you call their name, to the look in your eyes when they make a mistake, to the quiet assumptions you hold in your heart, you are speaking into their identity every single day.

Children are not just shaped by what we teach them. They are shaped by who we believe they are.

Why Your View of Your Child Matters

1. The Mirror Effect: Psychology Meets Scripture

In child psychology, there’s a well-known concept called the “mirroring process.” From infancy, children internalize their identity based on how caregivers reflect their emotional states. If a child cries and a parent responds with care, the child learns: I matter. I am worthy of love. But if a parent regularly shows frustration, distance, or shame, the child may internalize: I am a problem. I am too much. I’m not enough.

In other words, your child is asking every day, “Who am I to you?”

And Scripture affirms this principle. Proverbs 23:7 says, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” This doesn’t only apply to how we think of ourselves—it extends to how we think about others, including our children. If you believe your child is difficult, selfish, or lazy, that belief will come through in your words, tone, and expectations. Over time, your child may begin to live into that role.

But if you see your child as God sees them—beloved, chosen, capable, uniquely gifted—you partner with heaven to build them up in truth.

What If We’ve Gotten It Wrong?

The truth is, many of us carry distorted beliefs about children. Some of us were raised in homes where children were “seen but not heard.” Others grew up with harsh discipline, constant criticism, or conditional love. Some of us unknowingly carry cultural attitudes that see children as a burden or inconvenience instead of a blessing.

But it doesn’t have to stay that way.

The Kingdom of God invites us into redemption—not just for our children, but for us as parents. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be willing to surrender your old ways of thinking and receive God’s heart.

Here’s How to Raise Strong Children: A Step-by-Step Kingdom Approach

1. Pray and Ask God to Reveal Your Inner Beliefs

Ask God: “What do I really believe about my children?”
Do I see them as a gift or as a burden? Do I focus more on their weaknesses than their God-given strengths? Do I carry expectations rooted in fear instead of faith?

This inner work is crucial. Parenting is not just about behavior correction—it’s about heart transformation, beginning with our own hearts.

Psalm 139:23–24 – “Search me, O God, and know my heart… see if there is any offensive way in me.”

2. Repent for Any Wrong Perceptions

When God reveals hidden attitudes or harsh judgments, don’t shame yourself. Repentance is not punishment—it’s realigning your vision and perceptions with God’s. Say, “Lord, forgive me for seeing my child through the wrong lens. Help me see them as You do.”

Romans 12:2 – “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

When your mind is renewed, your parenting will be too.

3. Ask God to Show You Who Your Child Really Is

You are raising a child made in the image of God, with a specific calling, personality, and purpose. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you insight into your child’s true identity—who they are in heaven’s eyes, not just who they are today.

You might receive a word, a picture, a Scripture, or simply a deep knowing. Begin to speak that over them—even when they’re misbehaving. Especially when they’re struggling. Let your words call them forward.

“You are kind. You are brave. You are a truth-speaker. You’re full of compassion. You are a leader. You were made for joy.”

Jeremiah 1:5 – “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I set you apart.”

4. Ask God for a Scripture to Stand On

God’s Word is a foundation. When you’re raising children, emotions can run high. Tiredness, fear, or frustration can cloud your vision. That’s why you need a Scripture-based identity anchor for each child.

Examples:

  • Isaiah 54:13 – “All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace.”
  • Psalm 139:14 – “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
  • Philippians 1:6 – “He who began a good work in [your child’s name] will carry it on to completion.”

Post these Scriptures where you’ll see them. Pray them. Declare them. Live by them.

5. Pray in Agreement with God’s Vision

Prayer isn’t just about asking—it’s about partnering. Begin to pray for your children in alignment with who God says they are. Not just for success or good behavior, but for wisdom, character, discernment, courage, and spiritual sensitivity.

Let your prayers shape their future.

“Lord, thank you for making [name] bold and wise. I pray You grow them in grace and truth. Let them be rooted in love and confident in their calling.”

6. Correct with Dignity and Respect

Discipline is necessary—but it must flow from love, not anger. Correct your child in a way that upholds their dignity. Harshness breaks the spirit; kindness restores it.

Ephesians 6:4 – “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Discipline doesn’t mean demeaning. It means helping a child understand, grow, and make better choices next time. It means creating an environment of safety where mistakes are part of learning.

7. Listen With Your Heart, Not Just Your Ears

To truly listen to a child is to honor their humanity. Even when their words are messy, slow, or emotional—listen for their heart.

When Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me,” (Matthew 19:14), He didn’t just tolerate them—He welcomed them. He took time for them.

When you listen to your child, you tell them: You matter. You are heard. You are safe here.

8. See Them Becoming Who God Designed Them to Be

This may be the most important shift of all: Choose to see your child not just by their behavior, but by their God-given identity.

This requires spiritual vision. When your child is acting out, whining, or making poor choices, pause and remember: This is not the full story. My child is in process. God is at work. I choose to see who they are becoming.

Declare it over them. Write it down. Call it forth daily.

Romans 4:17 – “God… calls into being things that were not.”

Closing Thoughts: You’re Not Just Parenting. You’re Prophecying.

You are not just managing schedules, meals, and school routines. You are prophesying over a generation. You are raising sons and daughters who will reflect Christ in the world. You are shaping identity—not just through correction, but through love, vision, and spiritual truth.

Don’t underestimate the power of how you see your children. Because when you see them rightly, they will learn to see themselves rightly too.

👣 Reflection Prompts for Parents:

  1. What beliefs do I need to unlearn about children or parenting?
  2. Have I been seeing my child through God’s eyes or through my frustration?
  3. What Scripture can I hold onto for each of my children?
  4. Am I raising my children with dignity and respect?